Last week, I was speaking with a new and dear friend about the hardness of life.  We spoke about the struggles that were all around us.  Yet, there was not one word of complaint.  We talked about having the strength to get through the next day, the next week, month and year and being able to get through the struggles with grace.  Not to put on a happy face for the world, but to help empower our children to know that they can do hard things.

In the last year, I have gone through many changes in my life.  I reflect on the lessons I have learned as I have journeyed through the last two years.  I often ask myself if I am learning the lessons I need to learn from my experiences.  I sometimes record the lessons I am learning in my journal.  I am grateful for these lessons.  I know that one of the most important lessons that I have learned about myself is that I am stronger than I think I am.

As I spoke with my friend, I pointed out to her that she, too, is stronger than she thinks she is.  I don’t know what life will bring to her, but I know that she will be standing straight and tall at the end of it. 

Some days are tough.  Some days are easy.  Some days are sad and some days are joyful.  As my daughter once said, “We must have joy in the journey.”  I absolutely agree.  Another daughter shared recently that she has stopped writing a daily log of what she has done, but right now is writing daily what she is grateful for.  It helps her to look at all the good things in her life. 

I am not a great journal writer.  There are times when I write magnificently.  But, for most of my life, I write occasionally.  Recently I decided to write a journal about the miracles in my life.  When I look for them I see then all around me.  What type of journal will you write?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Here I go again, getting easily sidetracked. 

‘Back to my original thoughts for today.  I have an assignment for you.  Take a look back at your life.  This is not an “I am not good enough” look.  Take a look back at all the struggles you have survived and try to find the lessons you have learned.  Then, try to remember if there were times when you didn’t think you could survive.  Guess what?  You did survive because there is power in being stronger than you think you are.  I know this is true. 

Sometime I think about the strengths I have gained from my family.  I have an Aunt who went back to college in her fifties after surviving the illness and death of her husband.  (That is an empowering story for another day.)  When I need to feel that I am strong, I think of all the strong members of my family, especially the women. 

Empower yourself and your family by acknowledging the strengths you have.  Share those strengths with others.  I can’t wait to see how differently the world feels to all of us as we empower each other.

I live in a different time with different customs, but nonetheless, I live among women of courage.  I see them stand boldly against adversity, health challenges, struggles within marriages or with children, or fighting their own personal Goliaths.  I see them work through surgeries, burying husbands, caring for children with special needs, or even trying to fight the demons of self-deprecation or depression.  I see them lift their heads high through morning sickness, loneliness, single-parenting, and supporting extended family.

For some of us, we muster courage to get out of bed each morning to face another day; for some of us, we gather courage to enter an empty bed each night…and many of us have opportunities to show courage during all the time in between as we seek to uplift, inspire and achieve peace in our world.

So–be courageous!  This blessed virtue is within you…you are noble, and you can do it!!!!

At one point, my husband and oldest son were out swimming around the sand bar–quite a way out in the water.  I decided, on a whim, to take our other five, two of which who are not yet proficient swimmers, out to the sand bar.  As we started to walk and swim out in the water, some of the children began to fear.  Others fed off the fear, and soon I was the Mommy Life Preserver out in the water–with five children’s lives depending on my height, strength, and swimming abilities.  I laughed a bit and consoled their fears as we inched our way out to where they could stand again.

When we reached the sand bar, they were elated that they could stand there–way out in the water.  They pushed around the sand at their feet and splashed a bit in the relief that they felt secure with their feet planted on seemingly solid sand.  After playing for awhile, we again held onto each other and floated/walked/swam back to shore.

We played on the shore and built more with sand and talked.  I said to one of my children who doesn’t swim yet, “You were so brave as we went to the sand bar!”

He responded, “No, I wasn’t brave; I was scared!”

I said, “You can be scared and still be brave. You were brave! You did it!!!”

Here are the lessons I learned:

#1–Mothers are strong.  No matter what is going on in their worlds, they can reach out to their children and provide experiences which help them feel successful.  When has your mother preserved your life or strengthened you?  How can you do that for your children, friends, sisters, husband, or others in your life? 

#2–Even when we feel afraid, we can be brave.  We can follow through with goals, tasks, assignments–no matter how daunting they can seem…and we can find success!!!  We are here to grow and learn and help one another! We are here to succeed and love and build and share.  We can do this; we can succeed!!!!!

What do you think?

Even though print was lacking, our heritage stories were not. I have talked, in a previous blog, about how the women in our family show love by cooking. We also have a heritage of strength that is passed down from generation to generation.

I loved that my Aunt Gwen and Aunt Ida would drive me down to the coast and show me where the plantation stood, where my ancestors ran the ferry, the road named after our family, where my great grandmother, after being widowed ran a store and my grandfather grew up on the second floor of the store. We went to the cemetery and read the grave markers of family members who served in the Revolutionary and Civil Wars. Even though the ones who fought were men, it was always taught to me that the women stayed home and took care of everything while the men were away. I knew that the women in our family were strong women, powerful in their ability to nurture, care for and love other people. I was taught that there was always enough to share with someone who had less; to care for others.

I learned the stories of our family history and I learned the lessons learned by the women in my family as they labored to be all that they can be. In fact, my Aunt Gwen went back and completed college after all of her children were grown.

This month is women’s history month. We empower ourselves and our daughters (and even our sons) as we teach them the stories of success from the women in our family. What stories of the women in your family can you share with your family members? We would love to hear them too!

When she got home from school, I asked, “Where are your barrettes?” She reached into each pocket and pulled out a barrette from either side. “Did they hurt your head?” She shook her head no. Then I inquired, “Did someone say they were pretty?” Her head moved up & down affirmatively.

You see, she does NOT like to be noticed by her appearance. She hates wearing dresses on Sunday to church because she thinks someone will say she looks so beautiful. She knows she’s beautiful; she just doesn’t like to hear it.

Now, if you want to praise this young lady, notice her strength. Tell her she has strong muscles. Let her know you are amazed that she can carry her 30 lbs sibling around the house with ease or pick up her classmates as she hugs them goodbye. These are the ways she likes to be noticed.

As I thought about her, I wondered how I like to be noticed…and for what reasons I like to be appreciated. I am still pondering. Do you know how to appreciate those in your life in ways they like to be noticed? What do you do that you like others to notice about you?

This morning, I was doing some handwashing of various articles of my clothing.  I have said before on this blog that I enjoy handwashing because I feel more connected to the women who have helped give me life–my fore-mothers, if you will–who often used their hands to perform the work we now do mostly by machine.  This morning, I thought of them.  I thought of their dreams for me.  I wondered if, in their minds’ eyes, they pictured me, generations away, struggling and laughing while raising my six children in the best way I know how.  I wondered if they had dreams for their children–a “better” life than they had…less worry, more joy.  I could almost see and feel them calling to me in a difficult moment–”Hang on.  I did.  It was worth it for me.  It will be for you, too.”

Thank you, my mothers past.  I may not know all your names or your stories, but I feel your power.  I feel your strength.  I want to be like you–strong and able, willing to face my challenges and put fear behind me.  I want to love my children and dream of their better lives to come.

I have determined to write–as the Friday tip of the day suggested–my dreams.  I think I will start with the dreams I have for my daughters.  I am feeling close to them today, and to my mothers from generations past.  Someday I hope to thank them properly for their dreams for me.