But seriously, dude, I love “win” situations. I love it when they happen in the world in general (like the fact that fishnet stockings exist AND I can buy them at Target for like $5? Winning!), when they happen to people I love (like when my sister calls me up with an awesome story often involving her and a random beautiful boy flirting with her in some way. Hello, winning!), and, of course, when they happen to me (like all of the above, and then some).

Sadly, though, not everything in life is full of win in the way we’d like it to be. There are bills to be paid, meals to be made, and a whole bunch of other semi- or more-than-semi-unpleasant things to do. But why would we, who are obviously total rock stars from Mars with tiger blood, man, do ANYTHING that isn’t full of win?

I’ll tell you why.

You see, I am in grad school. In grad school, they like to give you this pesky little thing called homework. And classes. And after a certain amount of homework and classes, they give you tests. Which are evil. Yes. So recently, I was between exam weeks and just had my normal (still ridiculous) workload on top of me. I got to the weekend, and I was behind. I also had gone without cutting my hair for…a very long time. I had lots of studying to do. I had *not* a lot of time. I needed a haircut. Haircuts require spending money AND time. Neither of which I like to spend. Do you see my dilemma?

Well, I texted a friend in the hair business. She had time to cut my hair that day. I waffled…I thought…and I decided to go for it. I drove across town to her salon, bringing my notes with me. I even got caught behind a train, so I studied while I waited. I got to the salon, she cut my hair, and I looked darn cute. I paid for my haircut, I got in my car, and I went home, where I was SUPER productive for the rest of the afternoon.

And why was I super productive? Because I rewarded myself. I’d worked hard through the week; the week before had been an intense exam week; and I knew I needed something to remind me that I was not a study robot whose sole purpose in life was to cram as much information into my head as possible, but that I was instead a) a human, b) a female, and c) actually quite attractive. I felt better about myself, and I’d taken a little break from my stress and given some time to myself. It felt good.

I am an incredibly rewards-driven person. When I don’t have rewards set up, I don’t get as much accomplished. When I do, I work towards them, and not only do I achieve a lot, but I also feel super awesome.

Here’s the crazy thing: I know this about myself–I know I work so much better if I reward myself for my hard work–and I still almost didn’t follow through on the reward I wanted. There was a little voice inside me that said I hadn’t worked hard enough and didn’t deserve it. But I decided to take it anyway, and lo and behold, the big voice–the one that said, “For crying out loud, Marta, you need a break!!!”–was right.

So here’s the moral of the story: if you’re finding yourself lacking motivation (a state of being with which I am intimately familiar), set yourself up a reward. Say, “When I finish this project/get all the dishes done/make it through this week without strangling anyone and completely losing my sanity, I get to paint my nails/get a haircut/watch the new episode of Suits.” Establish a reward. Don’t let yourself have it early, but do let yourself have it. You’ve earned it. And you’ll have something tangible that says, “YES! I AM awesome and accomplished and…

…winning ”

Last week, I was speaking with a new and dear friend about the hardness of life.  We spoke about the struggles that were all around us.  Yet, there was not one word of complaint.  We talked about having the strength to get through the next day, the next week, month and year and being able to get through the struggles with grace.  Not to put on a happy face for the world, but to help empower our children to know that they can do hard things.

In the last year, I have gone through many changes in my life.  I reflect on the lessons I have learned as I have journeyed through the last two years.  I often ask myself if I am learning the lessons I need to learn from my experiences.  I sometimes record the lessons I am learning in my journal.  I am grateful for these lessons.  I know that one of the most important lessons that I have learned about myself is that I am stronger than I think I am.

As I spoke with my friend, I pointed out to her that she, too, is stronger than she thinks she is.  I don’t know what life will bring to her, but I know that she will be standing straight and tall at the end of it. 

Some days are tough.  Some days are easy.  Some days are sad and some days are joyful.  As my daughter once said, “We must have joy in the journey.”  I absolutely agree.  Another daughter shared recently that she has stopped writing a daily log of what she has done, but right now is writing daily what she is grateful for.  It helps her to look at all the good things in her life. 

I am not a great journal writer.  There are times when I write magnificently.  But, for most of my life, I write occasionally.  Recently I decided to write a journal about the miracles in my life.  When I look for them I see then all around me.  What type of journal will you write?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Here I go again, getting easily sidetracked. 

‘Back to my original thoughts for today.  I have an assignment for you.  Take a look back at your life.  This is not an “I am not good enough” look.  Take a look back at all the struggles you have survived and try to find the lessons you have learned.  Then, try to remember if there were times when you didn’t think you could survive.  Guess what?  You did survive because there is power in being stronger than you think you are.  I know this is true. 

Sometime I think about the strengths I have gained from my family.  I have an Aunt who went back to college in her fifties after surviving the illness and death of her husband.  (That is an empowering story for another day.)  When I need to feel that I am strong, I think of all the strong members of my family, especially the women. 

Empower yourself and your family by acknowledging the strengths you have.  Share those strengths with others.  I can’t wait to see how differently the world feels to all of us as we empower each other.

I sat in a friend’s living room last evening, and over a delicious bowl of bread pudding, we watched our children around her dog.  The dog would brush his tail against the children, and then he would lie down on the rug while they would reach out to pet him.  When he rose each time, the children on either side of him would look toward each other and giggle.  Their laughter was contagious.  My friend and I laughed just watching their simple joy.

One of my children has a particularly high amount of energy, which can lead to some issues when the child doesn’t feel loved and accepted.  Lately, this child has found a friend among one of his or her siblings.  Having this friend has made a huge difference in the life of this child, and the sibling who reached out to the child has also benefited from their relationship.

Another child has shown particular attention to apology and forgiveness.  This child still shows emotion, and sometimes will act with force or anger, but–once the moment passes–the child shows great remorse, along with an almost immediate “I’m sorry” accompanied by a sign of affection like a hug or gentle kiss on the cheek.

As I watch their examples of love, laughter, friendship, and forgiveness, I am in awe.  I want to be like them, and I wonder what I can do to find more joy in my journey through life.

What lessons do you learn from your children?  What helps you become more like them?

I have been sick with pneumonia for several weeks. My family has taken such good care of me. Yet, I have not been able to be with my grandchildren. My grandchildren bring joy to me.  I love when they share their joy.  After 4 weeks, my grandchildren were able to come and see me.

One afternoon, my two year old grandson came to the house. I heard him as he entered the door, “See MorMor, See MorMor.” He came running to my room.

Talk about sharing the joy! We were able to be together again. He talked to me and then asked the question, “Where is FarFar?” His great love for his grandfather also brings joy into my heart.

How grateful I feel that I have family to cherish and love and spend time with. What a joy! How I love to share that joy!

Sharing joy is an empowering activity. It brings peace to our hearts and lifts our spirits. So, go share some joy. Life is too short and too unpredictable to live it without sharing joy. Share the joy of accomplishments, share the joy of new friends, share the joy of love. Empower yourself and those you love by sharing some joy today!

As an adult, we also go through growth, schooling (although not always in a formal setting) and learning to accept others and love them.

I think, sometimes, that it is hardest to love ourselves. We see all the things we wish to change and we often forget to look back and see how far we have come, how much we have learned, how we have grown, and how we find it easier to love people as a result of our growth.  It is, it seems, effortless to see the negative side of things instead of looking for the positive.  We need to program ourselves to see the positive, even in the negative events in life.  We empower ourselves when we give up on the negative and focus on the positive.

In our home, we have an activity for helping to see the positive.  When anyone around us, including our family, says something negative about himself or herself, then that person must say three things that are positive about himself or herself.  The positive things must not be superficial.  An non-acceptable example is “I like the shirt I am wearing.”  Instead, it must be a positive trait, or characteristic or action.  An appropriate example is “I am a good listener.”  There are times when the person has difficulty coming up with three positive things about them.  I have, on occasion, helped to lead the person toward discovering or at least vocalizing a positive trait.  It is important to see the best in ourselves.

I have taught myself to look at the  positive outcomes during negative events in my life. Even in the midst of struggle, I have learned to look at the good, the growth, the change that has come as a part of the process. The most important thing I try to keep in mind is to have joy in the journey.

I watch my little grandson who has struggled with major health problems and even now, struggles to walk. Yet, he is so happy! He doesn’t focus on his limitations.  He finds a way to accomplish what he desires in a different way. He crawls from place to place and smiles and laughs and makes our hearts so very light.   He brings with him love, acceptance and the joy of the journey.

Life is a school. There is no clear map for us to follow.  We must find our own path.  By seeing the positive, we are able to be grateful for the growth that we are able to achieve.  We learn, we grow, we love, we accept and sometimes we are surprised that “joy cometh in the morning.”

We have myriad opportunities each moment for creativity. We are creative beings who have innate needs to create daily. As women, we have times when we feel more energetic and creative than others: some explain creativity with the phases of the moon or the changes of seasons.  Whatever you find boosts your creativity, go with it!  Embrace it!  Live it!  Love to create!  And love what you create!!!!!

I feel much healthier when I am creating–whether through quilting, cooking, creating friendship, creating activities that build self-esteem within our children, painting, singing, or writing.

I know of a website devoted to the creative power of women, especially as a mode toward health and healing from addictive behaviors or eating disorders. The site is Her Power.

What will you create today?

How many times are our lives like that? The “storms” keep on coming and coming, and despite momentary reprieves, we can’t do anything about it. But there’s a really nice thing about weather (and life): eventually, the sun does come out. Anyone feel an “Annie” song coming on?

See, my life was pretty stormy there for a little while. I had storms in my family, in my relationships, in my health, and in my plans for the future. And I’ll be quite honest and say that there were times I didn’t know how, or even if, things were going to work out. But guess what? They did! Okay, so everything hasn’t resolved completely, but things have most definitely turned around. It’s been a miracle. There are still some clouds that haven’t gone away, but “I can see clearly now; the rain is gone…

…it’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiney day-ay-ay!” In fact, it already is

During this time, there have been other friends I have visited in the hospital.  I see family members with them and I see them alone.  As I walk past the different rooms, I notice if a patient is there or not.  I notice if the bed is made and waiting to help a new person or if it is messy from a patient leaving for a procedure and waiting for them to return for rest and more care. 

As I have gone to the hospital frequently, I have learned some life lessons too.  I have learned to smile and laugh amid adversity.  I have learned that we can “find the silver lining” in the struggles of our life.  I have learned that sleep can help you feel better.  I have learned that friends make your burdens easier to bear.

Mostly, though, my experience has taught me, once again, the enormous value of friendship.  It seems that there are people we are meant to have as our friends.  Friendship connects us like families.  We learn together.  We grow together and we help each other.  The other day, I shared with my friend who is sick how she has helped me.  She was unaware of the strength and support I feel from visiting with her and her family. 

Friends see the best in us.  They help us with our struggles and trials.  We help our friends through their struggles and trials.  I like to think that a friend is our cheerleader:  the person who constantly believes in us and that we can make it.  And even when we fail, our friend helps us to succeed again with encouragement and love.  A friend sees past the exterior and looks deep within our hearts and understands what we feel.  A friend asks how he or she can help and doesn’t assume that they know what is best for us.  A friend is a precious gift.

So, I watch my friend’s daughters as they stroke the hand of their mother, as they rub lotion on her arms and shoulders, and as they look at her with love.  What an honor it is to share these moments, as well as the moments when she lights up as her husband enters the room.  How grateful I am for this gift called friendship.

How will you strengthen a friend today?

“La-de-da-de-da-de-da-de-da,”  sings the infamous Professor Harold Hill to the tune of Minuet in G.   “La-de-da, la-de-da.”  He teaches his students that if they can “think” the music, they can play it.

Now, I have had some conversati0ns lately with dear people in my life.  Some of them expect (and think about) the worst possible scenarios that could happen to them…you know…gain a zillion pounds that they will never lose, have a loved one die in a tragic accident, never be able to get a job, and on and on and on…I know, I do it, too.  (In fact, when my husband recently flew across the country to attend a funeral after the sudden death of a family member, I fretted for days thinking about what I would do if he didn’t return.  Silly me…he came back, held me again in his arms, and drove me home from the airport after flying all day.  He was fine. )

The flipside of that is the dear people in my life who expect the blessings to flow freely and see the joys in life.  They think happiness.  They think love.  They think friendship.  They think service.  I love to be around these people, because they radiate joy.  Just thinking positively sends amazing blessings to them.

When I think, or hear people say over and over to me, that I look great, I start to think that.  Then I radiate beauty.  I don’t believe it’s because I am any more beautiful than I was a few months ago…I just feel it now…like Professor Hill’s students felt the music.  When I read positive literature, including daily scripture study, I combat the negative energy and self-talk, and I start to “think” on blessings.  I radiate gratitude.  Not that I’m any more blessed than I was a few months ago, but I am feeling it now.  See? (or should I say, “Think?”)

So, what will you think about today to transform you into the magical person you are?  You are loved.  You are amazing.  You are beautiful.  You are positivity.  You are wonderful.  You are blessed.  Truly you are, don’t you think?

And also, I have this long-running joke with several of my friends and family about being God’s favorite. And you see, I don’t have to feel bad about saying that because God is limitless, and can have as many favorites as He wants, so my being His favorite doesn’t mean I’m any better than anyone else. Make sense?

You know how I know that I’m my friend’s favorite? ‘Cause she tells me so every time I see her. It’s awesome, and I know I can always count on her to say something nice about me. I can’t tell you how many times her positivity and support have brightened my day when I really needed it.

And you know how I know I’m God’s favorite (well, one of them, anyway)? Because He tells me, or rather shows me, all the time! Every day! Like today, I had to go to the post office because I needed something postmarked today, and I didn’t really want to go because my favorite postal worker had moved to another office. I was afraid I was going to have to talk to the other dude who isn’t nearly as nice, and that he was going to fuss at me and treat me unkindly. But, I got my stuff and drove over there, bracing myself for the possible unpleasantness. I walked in and, guess what! My favorite postal worker was back!!!! And even through waiting in line, I was in the right spot and got to work with my favorite guy. He took care of me.

Yeah, he took care of me because Somebody else took care of me. I’m telling you, I must be His favorite or something