Jul 10
7
Be the Bigger Person…Just don’t become a Giant
Being a giant may come in handy for some people, like MBA basketball stars, but for most of us becoming giants in an emotional sense will give us more of a Gulliver’s Travels complex.
So often we hear the coined phrase: be the bigger person. Usually what warrants this often unwanted advice is some kind of an unfortunate experience that reaps a difficult choice. Someone does something to you that is not what you want in any way shape or form. Often times this same action repeats itself over and over until finally the last straw is pulled and the only possible resolution seems to be seeking revenge. When discussing the revenge options, which for me usually occurs by fuming all the aggravating details to a friend, they usually want me to “be the bigger person.” It’s not worth it to even fight with the antagonist, express your personal feeling about what’s going on, so really you should just let it go and forget about what happened. That’s often the message I receive from someone else, or because it has happened repeatedly, from my own mind before I even ask another person.
A few weeks ago this scenario was playing out in—as usual—a very annoying and hurtful way. Someone wanted me to do something, I agreed. The plans changed and I didn’t do anything to tell them that it really bothered me so I could be the “bigger person.” Making sacrifices in my own schedule, going out of my way to do what was important to them, the plans changed again. Frustrated, ready to call it all off, I let them take control of me again, for the third time, and had a miserable experience. Never did I tell them that it bothered me, never did I take care of myself in the situation because I thought I was being “nice.”
I think perhaps, it would have been better for me to say something at the first offense. I could have explained to this person that it was not alright with me to be treated that way. Before feeling the need to seek out revenge, I could have nipped this issue in the bud. I could have avoided a lot of unnecessary anger if I would have taken care of myself in a way that didn’t hurt me or the other person early on in the situation.
What I learned by this experience is that you don’t have to hurt yourself for the sake of being the bigger person, or even for the sake of being nice. If someone is bothering you don’t just stand by letting them control your life. If that is how to be the bigger person I must be a giant by now. Like Gulliver, in the classic tale of Gulliver’s Travels, becoming a giant in this sense will only get you attacked by tiny antagonists until they break you. My thoughts instead are to do what’s right for you whether that means being the bigger person or eating one of Alice in Wonderland’s magic shrinking cookies. Most of all, take care of you, and instead of revenge or being trampled, say what you need to say in a positive and effective—even a nice way.
